When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
Siren's Song
Monday, December 08, 2003
mood: contemplative
music: An Jing - Jay Chou
to see him again, i so do yearn
but alas, when will i ever learn?
so many times been hurt and burnt
why should this time be any different?
like a moth attracted to blazing fire
may heaven forbid and quench my desire
hearts of stone and cold sapphire
walkin' thru the flames of passion dire
ashes to ashes, dust to dust
reduce me to nothing, if ye must
adoration and affection are but the crust
of devotion and love, demanding trust
“to see or not to see,” is the question asked
my angst and confusion heavily masked
haunted by the future, the present, the past
how long can we walk hand in hand, how long can we last?
“you’re thinking too much,” i hear
but my heart is indeed heavy, heavy with fear
of star-crossed lovers, and parallel paths drew near
of a bittersweet romance that brings a tear
Is it monotony that I fear? Is it the meshing together of two bubbles, of sticking too near that I fear? Or is it the goodwill of others warning me not to get too close, of advice not to sink too deep, of a possible dilution of intense feelings that I dearly fear?
He is too dear to me. He impresses me even more as the days go by. He makes me laugh; he makes me understand. He awes me, stuns me and stupefies me with his hidden talents and the magnetic, drawing and intriguing soul within him. 高不可攀。他就是那么高不可攀。
Kare ga suki ni raremashita. Honto ni suki dayo.
Yet with great love and passion, comes great fear. The feel of losing him is so real, so piercing, it hurts to even think about it. I dare not get too close in fear of annoying him. I dare not call, text or message as much as I would love to. His attention, love and affection are far too precious to be jeopardized. It drives me insane to think wild thoughts about losing him one day, losing my frisky baah baah he-lamb.
Tsk tsk tsk. Wake up, girl.
Blogger was totally screwed up last night. The whole chunk of emotions that I coughed up was erased by one click of the mouse. Goddamnit server problem swallowed up everything I wanna say and allowed no Back clicks and Refreshes.
How my heart does sink, or sank, and yours too. A Viking-induced falling sensation where the heart seems to be not quite able to keep up with the speed one's body is plunging downwards, that's my sinking of heart. It comes with internal struggles and worrying too much. And I felt it again when I knew you did so too. Pardon the eternal pessimist and her dark rantings and ravings.
But do read on. Take in the last words of my entry last night, of the entry Blogger hijacked and kept away from you.
"I fear, but I will gladly burn. So be it if smoke does get into my eyes. I will shut my ears and eyes and gambol down the green green hills with him."
I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out
in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom
of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
